The Monster Inside Connor by Michelle


The Monster Inside Connor

*spoiler alert*

The monster inside of us. Everyone has one. I have one. You have one. Your friends have one. Everyone has a monster inside of them, maybe it is still hiding inside of you, or maybe it has shown itself. Both ways, you have to learn to except it, because it will always be there, no matter what you do.

The book A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness, Connor, the main character, is his own monster. The yew tree, the monster, is a representation of Connor that he doesn’t show. Another way of saying this is, whenever the monster does certain things, it turns out Connor does those things, so Connor is the monster. Whenever the monster is destroying things, Connor does too, also the monster knew the reason that Connor called him and about his dream when no one else did, and the monster can show memories to Connor. This book shows that we all have a monsters inside of us, and even if we don’t want to except it at first, it is always there, and you have to learn to accept it.

For example, on page 179 Connor is in the cafeteria and is starting a fight. The reason of this is due to, a bully in the story starts to pretend that Connor is invisible because that is what the bully thought Connor wanted. Connor gets angry and starts a fight. At one point the book states, “You shut up,” Connor said. And he heard the monster’s voice say it with him. On the next page you figure out that Connor hurt harry, but Connor blames it on the monster, even though everyone in the cafeteria saw that it was Connor, and no one else could see the monster. Another example of this type of behaviour is from page 136 to 138, where Connor has the power to destroy a house in a story that the yew tree has told, so Connor tells him to destroy the house, but when the story finishes and Connor ‘wakes up’ Connor had bruises on his hands and had destroyed everything that was around him, the yew tree had also disappeared. Again Conner had the bruises, and the yew tree was gone, and Connor got in trouble. It has happened twice in the book where Conner or the yew tree control each other and then Connor gets in trouble. This shows a strange connection between the two. It also shows that the monster is in Connor’s mind, because again like I said in my first example no one else saw the monster except for Connor.

Connor had never told anyone about his dream so, how did the monster know about connors dream? For example, from page 215-220 Connor doesn’t want to say the truth about what he thinks about his mom, and the monster knows he is not telling the truth. Also a few pages before that the yew tree shows Connor a image about the dream that Connor has, that Connor has never told anyone. How did the monster know this? This is just more proof that shows that somehow the monster and Connor are connected. The monster knew things about Connor that nobody else knows except for himself, but he didn’t want to believe it, and the monster reminded him of it.

The last thing that I noticed is the way that the monster shows, and tells its stories to Conner. How does the monster do that? An example of this is on page 125 where is states, “(The monster opened its hands again, and a mist rolled through his  grandma’s sitting room. When it was cleared , Connor and the monster stood on a field of green, overlooking a valley of mental and brick.)” on this page the monster shares a memory with Connor, and in the book The Giver the main character is awarded Receiver of Memory, the person who stores all the past memories of the time before Sameness (the world that they currently live in) and this person who just got awarded goes to this person who can share memories with him, but only the main character can see those memories, and other people can’t. This aspect might be the same with A Monster Calls cause with the monster and Connor, only Connor can see the memories that the monster shows him. Authors are always reading other author’s books to improve their writing, and get new ideas, it is a possibility that Patrick Ness got this idea from The Giver and wrote this idea in this book.

In conclusion, the monster and Connor are connected, and that the monster is some of the dark thoughts that Connor thinks. Only Connor can see the monster, the monster knew Connor’s dreams, and the monster can show Connor his memories. Why does this matter? These things means that we all have some sort of monster inside of us, something that we dont tell people, something that we are hiding.

At the end of the book Connor accepts the truth about his mother, that she is dying. The monster helped him tell the truth, even though Connor didn’t want to think about his mother dying. On page 2018-2020 the book states, “please don’t make me say it,” Connor said. “Please don’t make make me say it.”

You let her go, the monster said.

Connor shook his head. “Please-“

You let her go, the monster said again.

Connor closed his eyes tightly.

But then he nodded.


And he spoke the words.

He spoke the truth.

He told the rest of the fourth tale.

“I can’t stand it anymore!” He cried out as the fire raged around him. “I can’t stand knowing that she’ll go! I just want it to be over! I want it to be finished!”

These pages are very important in the book. It shows Connor accepting that his mother will die. He is accepting his dark thoughts, his monster. He didn’t want to accept that at first, but when the monster reminded Connor of the thoughts that Connor doesn’t want to think about, Connor accepted it, and grew from it. It helped him through his mother’s death later on in the book. You should do this too. Accept emotions and grow from them, and don’t be ashamed about it. It is okay to be sad, and it is okay to dread things, as long as you can accept those feelings, and not ignore them, because it will be with you forever if you ignore it, and it will grow stronger, and make you sad over time. Connor has to face own monster, and everyone else has a monster too, but as long as you accept the monster inside you, everything will be alright.

My Three Vingettes


As I walked into the library I saw Lilou sitting next to the school computer with one of my other friend, both are now traders.

    “Where were you guys? I was looking all over for you. What are you guys doing?” I said as I looked at the computer. A sudden flow of anger and sadness grabbed me by the stomach and twisted it. The feeling of bretrail took me by the hand and spun me against a wall of all the good things I thought about them. “You started without me,” I said still looking at the computer.

    “I can explain,” said my other friend, hearing the regret in her voice. I knew this wasn’t her fault, or her idea, it was Lilou I was angry at.

    “You started without me,” I repeated, now looking up at Lilou.

    “Yes we did,” Lilou said, “fake friend.”

    “WHAT!” I screamed back at her. The website was my idea, she probably just did this because she wanted pay back, I thought.

    “Guys please don’t fight again,” my other friend begged.

    “Stay out of this,” Lilou said to her.

    There had been tension between us for weeks now, I did something bad to her, and now she is stealing my idea to hurt me back.

    “This was my idea, it was my idea to help the animals, it was my idea to help save them,” I said to Lilou, trying not to explode with the rage inside, so that I would look stronger, and this was a library after all. My idea was to create a website to help get money for animals that’s really in need of help, and pay for food and water for them. I would’ve also made posters and put it around my neighborhood, and talk to teachers for what I could do to make it grow larger and increase the popularity of it. The website was my first step, and I had told Lilou about that, because I thought it would be fun to have a friend helping me with it, I’m happy that I didn’t tell the rest of the plan. It was two months ago when I made my plan, and when I told her about it, before all the drama started. When it did start I had to put my idea on hold and come back to it later to see how I could mend our friendship again, and just as I thought that it was mended ,this happened.

    “I know,” Lilou said, “and as I said two months ago, I think it is a great idea.”

    “I’m done with you,” I said to her, as I slowly backed away, “I thought that I could fix everything, but I can’t. I done with all of you people.” I ran out of the library, hearing the voice of my other friend behind me. “Just stay away from me,” I said to her, “tell Lilou the same thing.” I saw her stopping and standing in the middle of the school courtyard, just staring at me as I turned the corner. I felt bad for screaming at her, but she betrayed me to, she chose Lilou, and I was fine with that. I felt as if someone had stabbed me in that back, I’m sure Lilou knows this feeling too.

Note: this is a personal vignette. This happened in second grade, so I overreacted a lot.

Almost Freedom

I looked out of the window for a brief second, as I waited anxiously for the day to be over. I was exhausted from sitting on a chair all day, weaving yarn into blankets. My friend, Rosa, sat next to me while I was weaving, she would catch the shuttle for me, so at least I had some company. We would always be chatting about the books we were reading, that we did during work, and would laugh at the jokes that we told each other. She was always there for me, it made my experience better. We weren’t supposed to read during work, but we were really careful, and sometimes one person would sit in front of the door and shout to us when our boss would come slumping to our station. Once I got into trouble though. I sat next to the door, reading my book, when I heard him walking in the hallway. When I looked up he was about three meters away from the door, so I shouted for everyone to put away their books, as I started to run to my seat. I was to late and got into trouble, I got docked pay. I got lucky. Just a few more minutes and then I would be done, I would be free again. My thoughts will be able to run around again, instead of being trapped inside of a cage. I would be able to read my book in peace, without being worried that’ll be caught. I like the outdoors, just like my mom. She also works in the same factory as me, she is just a floor below me, she is not as skilled. She should be here with me though, she was the one who taught me how to use this machine. I can’t wait to go home.


We were almost done decorating the sign we made for our protest. There were feeling bubbling in my stomach. What if we get fired? I thought to myself, what if something goes wrong? That won’t happen, though, right? A sudden fear washed over me, as if a monster was chasing me, like someone was staring at me while I was in an empty room. What if something does go wrong? My friends and coworkers were all around me, everything is fine, I told myself to calm down, everyone is here. All of the girls stood up and admired our poster from a further distance, we were all proud of our work. The poster said in bold letters, WE WANT MORE MONEY. One of the main organisers, the person who came up with the idea, Elana, was very smart. She went over the plan one last time, I already knew the plan, I memorised it. We would wake up early in the morning, I know I will be tired, get the sign, the plan is perfect, and stand in front of the factory and yell, scream, and demand for more money. We would also say that we won’t work until we got more money, I really hope it works. I was proud of everyone, I think Elana was too. The fears in my head vanished, like air, as the sun rises in my head. I think I didn’t deserve to be proud, I didn’t do much except for help with the poster. I was the bystander, I was part of the plan though, and it kind of made flames in my head. I felt like I was a good at being a leader, and I knew the people here more that she did. I shouldn’t be annoyed at this, we all have our star moments, mine will just be a little bit later.


The first picture is before R’bore. The orange means afraid. I was kinda afraid because I was sure that I was going to face challenges. The red and the yellow and green means happiness. I was so excited and happy it was crazy, I think everyone was like that. The blue means sadness. I was sad to leave my mom but the first day I was good. The black means explocens by that I mean craziness. It was crazy everywhere teachers dancing around and around.  
 This was after R’bore. The eye and the black and orange means that we saw a tiger a mighty one. The blue and purple and yellow. means that I was happy to have a great adventure like that. The brown means that I was sad that all the fun was now over and that there is a big life ahead. The red means that I felt brave and strong.